


frustrations & fantasies

by fangirlingtodeath513



Series: Season 14 Codas [8]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Castiel/Dean Winchester First Kiss, Coda, Doctor Novak, Episode: s14e12 Prophet and Loss, Episode: s14e12 coda, First Kiss, Love Confessions, M/M, Post-Episode: s14e12 Coda, Post-Episode: s14e12 Prophet and Loss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-06
Updated: 2019-02-06
Packaged: 2019-10-23 05:00:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17676911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fangirlingtodeath513/pseuds/fangirlingtodeath513
Summary: Dean and Cas finally have their talk.





	frustrations & fantasies

Dean tries to follow Sam down the hallway that leads to their rooms when they get back to the bunker. It’s been a long few days, mentally and physically, and he wants nothing more than to lay in his memory foam and finally let the tension ebb out of his body. Cas has other ideas, apparently. Almost as soon as Sam’s back is turned, Cas’s fingers close around Dean’s bicep, gently but insistently keeping him in place.

 

Once Sam’s door shuts, Dean turns to face his best friend with a frown. “What’s up, Cas?” 

 

Frowning right back, Cas lets go of his arm. “We never finished the conversation that Sam interrupted.” 

 

Humming quietly, Dean shrugs. “Nothing to finish, plan’s off. Let’s go get some rest, man. I know you don’t sleep, but you could probably use a hibernation, at least.” 

 

Cas crosses his arms over his chest and raises an eyebrow at Dean. Dean glares right back, but there’s no heat behind it. With a sigh, he waves a hand at Cas, signaling that the angel continue. 

 

“Just because you called the plan off doesn’t mean you won’t go back to it the second something goes wrong. I know you, Dean, I know how you operate.” 

 

Dean rolls his eyes, but he doesn’t deny it. He can’t. Cas is right, and they both know it. “What do you want me to say, Cas?”

 

“I want you to  _ talk _ to us next time, Dean.” His reply is soft and exasperated and he can practically hear the eye roll Cas keeps himself from adding. “Sam and I both want to help you, but we can't do that if you don’t tell us what’s going on.” Frowning, Cas’s voice grows softer, “secrets between the three of us never do any good.” 

 

Dean snorts. “That’s funny, coming from you. You’ve been hiding something for weeks, now.”

 

Cas nods stiffly, eyes downcast. “I didn’t get the opportunity to tell you before-“ he cuts himself off, but Dean gets where he was going with it. 

 

“Then tell me know.” 

 

Cas looks up at him and sighs. “I don’t want it to set you off again. We just convinced you to abandon your idiotic plan, I don’t want you jumping right back to it.”

 

“I won’t,” he promises, taking a tentative step closer. “Tell me.” 

 

Cas glares at him for a moment but relents, shoulders slumping. “Jack’s return wasn’t as no-strings-attached as I led you to believe. When I went to Heaven, the entity from the Empty was there. It was attacking Heaven to get Jack’s soul, claiming he belonged in the Empty because of his half angel side.”

 

“Cas, please tell me you didn’t,” Dean begs, a frustrated groan leaving him when Cas’s gaze drops to the floor.

 

“I didn’t have a choice, Dean. I couldn’t let Jack go to that place, it was my only option.”

 

Dean pinches the bridge of his nose and sighs. “Alright, well, when’s it coming, then? Let’s figure out a way to beat it.”

 

Cas’s gaze snaps up to Dean and he silently thanks Chuck that angels don’t have the power to smite with looks, because with the look Cas is giving him, he’d be dead. “So you’ll concern yourself with other people’s problems, but as soon as it’s you, you’re off to the bottom of the ocean, or being launched into space?”

 

Dean sputters, trying to string together a coherent sentence. Cas doesn’t give him a chance, he just barrels right through, “Why are you so unimportant that you can fling yourself into the metaphorical and physical abyss to save people but as soon as I do the exact same thing, you treat me like I’m a child who doesn’t know any better?”

 

“Because-”

 

“No, no ‘because’, don’t try to reason your way out of this. You’re self-destructing and I’m not just going to stand by and watch you do it. I’ve been around too long and seen too many things to let you get away with this.”

 

“Get  _ away _ with it? I’m not getting away with anything, Cas. I have an archangel in my head that’s hell-bent on destroying the world, sorry for trying to be a little proactive in  _ not _ letting him destroy the world!” 

 

Cas’s glare only sharpens. “That’s bullshit and you and I both know it. You’re terrified that you won’t be able to contain him and that it’ll be your fault if anything happens, so you’re going to punish yourself by spending the rest of eternity at the bottom of the ocean with a petulant archangel that’s trying to destroy Chuck’s toys.”

 

_ Petulant? How arrogant _ , the stupid archangel voice in his head mutters. Dean shakes it away, crossing his arms over his chest. Cas is right, of course. He’s well acquainted with the motives behind Dean’s choices, so he supposses he shouldn’t be surprised that Cas figured it out. “What do you want me to say, Cas? It  _ would  _ be my fault. I’m the one that chose to let him in, I’m the idiot that believed he’d actually leave once he killed Lucifer.”

 

Cas rolls his eyes so hard his entire body shifts and he steps back out of Dean’s space to stare into his eyes, nose scrunched in annoyance. “Anyone in your position would’ve done the same thing, Dean. You were protecting your family. You’re not to blame here. That doesn’t mean you’re not being an idiot, but you’re not to blame for this situation.”

 

Dean nods once, though he doesn’t believe it. He  _ knows _ this is all his fault. If he’d just been strong enough to eject Michael for good…

 

“Stop,” Cas murmurs, head tilted. “I know where your head’s going. Stop thinking like that, Dean. I assure you, it’s not because you’re not strong enough. Michael is a conniving, petulant archangel who will do whatever he has to to win, in any reality. You’re overcome him once. This time, you’ve got me, Sam, and Jack behind you, and the entire network of hunters you and Sam helped create. We’ll figure it out.”

 

Dean nods again, eyes slipping shut and throat bobbing as he swallows. “Okay,” he whispers, stubbornly ignoring the crack of his voice in the middle of the word. Cas sweeps him into a hug, his hands bunching up the fabric of Dean’s shirt against his back. 

 

“You need to stop trying to sacrifice yourself at the drop of a hat, Dean,” Cas murmurs, breath hot against Dean’s ear. It sends a shiver through him, so he tightens his arm around Cas and frowns.    
  
“Only if you do, too. I don’t wanna lose you, Cas.”

 

Cas nods once, but Dean can tell he doesn’t believe it. He pulls away, forcing Cas’s arms off and frowns.

 

“Cas, I’m serious. I don’t want to lose you, either.”

 

“Why?” Cas asks softly, eyes downcast. 

 

“Why? Dude, you’re my best friend, you’re my  _ family _ . You’re one of the most important people in the world, to me.”

 

Cas’s mouth tips down, just enough for Dean to see it, before he forces a smile on his face and nods. “You’re important to me, too, Dean.”

 

Dean runs a hand through his own hair and heaves a sigh.  _ Now or never, I guess _ , he thinks, clearing his throat. “You can’t sacrifice yourself because I love you and it’d kill me.”

 

Cas’s head snaps up so quickly that Dean’s shocked he didn’t break something. “You-what?”

 

“Don’t make me say it again, man, c’mon.”

 

“Say it again. Please?” 

 

He swallows against the lump in his throat, voice much softer this time, “I love you.”

 

There’s a split second where nothing happens and then everything happens at once. His back smacks against the wall and Cas is pressed along the length of his front, mouth colliding with Dean’s hard enough to hurt. He couldn’t care less, though. His hands make their way to Cas’s hips and he pulls his best friend impossibly closer as he melts into the kiss. Every single inch of tension in his body dissipates and the world stops spinning on its axis. Everything finally clicks into place as Cas’s arms wind around his neck and he feels a pleased rumble against his chest. 

 

That’s how Sam finds them a few minutes later; wedged against the wall, grinning against each other’s lips. They finally pull away when they hear his footsteps, but Dean only spares him a half-second glance before he turns his attention back to Cas. “Hey, so, uh… you still got that doctor’s coat?”

 

Cas rolls his eyes but his mouth tips up in a smile and his hand slips down to grabs Dean’s. “Of course I do. I’m sure you’ve got a pair of cowboy boots to go with it.”

 

Dean shoots a grin at his brother as he and Cas head down the hallway towards his bedroom. Dean’s got a giddy smile on his face and he’s entirely shameless when he digs out a pair of cowboy boots for Cas to wear. What the hell, Cas ain’t gonna judge him for it. Besides, why pass up the opportunity to fulfill his biggest fantasy?

**Author's Note:**

> Find **this fic** on [Tumblr](https://fangirlingtodeath513.tumblr.com/post/182596141374/frustrations-fantasies-a-14x12-codaread-here) and [Pillowfort](https://www.pillowfort.io/posts/482306)  
>   
> Find **me** on [Tumblr](https://fangirlingtodeath513.tumblr.com/) and [Pillowfort](https://www.pillowfort.io/fangirlingtodeath513)  
>   
>  **Please don’t post my works anywhere without my permission.**


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